


Maybe I Do

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Gay John Laurens, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mental Breakdown, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You’re obviously upset. As your second closest friend, it is my personal responsibility to see what’s wrong and help you.” John smiled a bit at her words.“Thanks. But really, it’s nothing.”“Stop fucking lying to me.” Peggy was getting frustrated. She rarely cusses, so John was a bit taken aback.“Fine. It’s… it’s Alexander.” He finally admitted it.“Well, what about Alexander?” She asked, confused.“Just- ugh. You know how he talks to Eliza, and how he gives Eliza little kisses, and how he holds her, and how he-” Peggy cut him off.“Oh, you have a crush on him.”“What?! No, no, I just- it just irks me when he does that. I- I don’t like it.”“Yes, you definitely have a crush on him.” Peggy said. Peggy was the stubbornest person he knew, there was no changing her mind.“Well,” He stopped. “Maybe I do.”Or;Peggy Schuyler finds out John Laurens has a big crush on Alexander Hamilton. But uh-oh, Alexander is dating Eliza Schuyler.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, More to be added - Relationship
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

John sat down at his usual lunch table, waiting for his friends. So far, Peggy was the only one that had her food other than him.  
“Hey, John.” She said, sitting across the table from him.  
“Hi, Pegs.” His tone was dark and melancholy. Peggy sensed his emotions.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“What?” He looked up from picking at his food. “Nothing, I’m fine.” Peggy didn’t believe what he said, but didn’t have time to question it further, for Lafayette, Alexander, and Eliza had just sat down.  
“Hey guys.” Alexander said, sitting down on John’s right, Eliza next to him.  
“Hi, Alexander.” John looked down, not wanting to look into his eyes. John couldn’t see it very well, but from the way Alexander shifted his weight on the bench, he could tell Eliza was leaning against him. He sighed and looked away, setting his fork on the table.  
“Where’s Herc? And Angelica?” Eliza asked.  
“I do not know about Mulligan, but I see Angelica in the lunch line.” Lafayette said, nodding his head over to Angelica in the lunch line.  
John followed his gaze to see her. He nodded. Just then, Hercules burst out of the bathrooms. The bathrooms were across the hall from the Cafeteria, how would they have known? Because as soon as he stepped into the hall, Herc immediately screamed.  
“BRAH BRAH!” The whole cafeteria looked over towards the table. Everyone was shooting him weird looks but his friends all smiled and waved him over.  
“Aren’t you going to get lunch?” John asked, noticing Hercules didn’t have a plate.  
“No, I’m not hungry.” John noticed he had used that same excuse yesterday and twice last week, but he didn’t push it.  
They started polite chit-chat, and Alexander turned his head and planted a kiss on Eliza’s head. John turned away, lucky there was no one sitting on his left. Peggy was sitting next to Hercules, Hercules was sitting next to Lafayette, who was across from Eliza. Eliza was sitting next to Alexander, who was sitting next to John. The perfect layout to look away from Hamilton and Eliza’s PDA, while no one on his left wondering why he was looking at them.  
Peggy suddenly stood up. “I’m going to the b-bathroom.”  
John stood up too. He knew Peggy wanted him to come with her. They made a secret code a while back- if the other stutters, they need them. “Yeah, me too.” Alexander looked up at John, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. John hadn’t eaten any of his lunch or even touched his milk. But he let it slide, and John caught up with Peggy in the hallway. She saw him and let out a sigh of relief.  
“What is it, Peggy?” He asked her as they stepped into an abandoned Janitor’s closet.  
“You’re obviously upset. As your second closest friend, it is my personal responsibility to see what’s wrong and help you.” John smiled a bit at her words.  
“Thanks. But really, it’s nothing.”  
“Stop fucking lying to me.” Peggy was getting frustrated. She rarely cusses, so John was a bit taken aback.  
“Fine. It’s… it’s Alexander.” He finally admitted it.  
“Well, what about Alexander?” She asked, confused.  
“Just- ugh. You know how he talks to Eliza, and how he gives Eliza little kisses, and how he holds her, and how he-” Peggy cut him off.  
“Oh, you have a crush on him.”  
“What?! No, no, I just- it just irks me when he does that. I- I don’t like it.”  
“Yes, you definitely have a crush on him.” Peggy said. She was the stubbornest person he knew, there was no changing her mind.  
“Well,” He stopped. “Maybe I do.”


	2. Chapter 2

John woke up the next morning. His pillow was between his arms, not below his head like it’s supposed to be. He squeezes it, burying his face into the soft folds of the silk pillowcase.   
“I have a crush on Alexander Hamilton.” he said to himself.  
The news was still surreal to him. It was weird.   
He had no idea he was gay until now. Yes, he was never attracted to women. But he thought that was normal. Some men just aren't attracted to women.   
But he never thought he was gay. He had never looked at a guy, or loved a guy before he met Alexander.   
But after taking many “Am I gay?” quizzes on his old, rundown, laptop, he realized the truth.   
He was so gay. He smiled to himself and pushed his computer away, laying down on his bed again.   
I’m gay. I’m gay and I love Alexander Hamilton. He smiled again, and picked up his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he found Peggy. He dialed her number, holding his phone to his ear. She picked up within three rings.   
“Hello?” She still sounded a bit tired, she must have woken up not too long ago.   
“Peggy! I’m gay!”  
“What? Yeah, I know. Didn’t you?” She asked.  
“No! I didn’t know until you made me realize it. And then I took some quizzes online.”  
“Yes, taking “Am I gay?” quizzes online is standard protocol for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community.”  
“That’s me!”  
“Yes, Laurens. That’s you.” Peggy smiled, happy that John was happy and accepting of himself.   
“So… you already figured out I like Alexander.” He said.   
“Mmmhmm.”   
“Well- do you have any ideas for how I should move on from him?” He asked, knowing he would be in pain if he saw Alexander kiss Eliza again.   
“Hon, you don’t need to move on from him- you need to get him.”   
“What? Get him? But he’s dating Eliza. I’m not going to ruin their relationship just so I can be happy. I don’t even think he likes boys.”  
“I know as a matter of fact that he likes boys too. I was spying on him once, before he started dating Eliza, he was making out with this one boy-” John cut her off.  
“Seriously?!” He was ecstatic that Alexander might have even the tiniest bit of love for men.   
“Yeah- he’s about as bi as you can be.” She said, making John chuckle.   
“But I’m still not going to try and get him, he’s happy with Eliza. I’m not going to take that away from either of them.”   
“Fine then. But, Eliza and I have been talking. She’s not really happy with him.”  
“What are you talking about? She’s always so joyful around him!”  
“It’s fake. She doesn’t want him to feel bad, but the longer they’ve been together, the more she’s realized she doesn’t really love him.”  
“My god. That’s terrible. Isn’t she going to break up with Alex then?” He asked, his emotions starting to mix together. He wasn’t sure if he was happy that Alexander and Eliza were going to break up, or sad for them. He knew he shouldn’t be happy, but maybe he was a little.   
“Yeah, on Monday at school.”  
“Poor Alex.”   
“But this will give us the chance for you to get with him.”   
“Peggy, he’s probably not interested in me.”   
“I don’t know, before he met Eliza he seemed to look at you a lot.”  
“Whatever. I have to go.” John hung up the phone. It was a lot to take in all at once. Alexander liked boys, he was going to be single soon, and he might like him?  
It was almost too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol sorry these chapters are so short


	3. Chapter 3

John found Alexander hidden away in a bathroom stall. He gently rapped his knuckles against the door.   
“Huh?” Alex looked up. “Wh-who is it?” He asked, sniffling and wiping his eyes.   
“It’s Laurens.” John said quietly.   
“Oh.” He stood up and unlocked the door. Hamilton had chosen the handicap stall, so there was room for John to stand. He did so, closing and locking the door behind him.   
“Are you okay?”  
“No, I’m n-not okay Laurens! I just found out El-Eliza doesn’t really l-love me, even though I g-gave her my heart an-and soul!” He yelled out of frustration and anger, his words interrupted by sobs. John stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Alexander’s small frame.   
“Shh…” He patted Alexander’s head, trying to comfort him. Alex’s arms wrapped around the small of John’s back, firmly gripping his t-shirt. John sucked in a breath. What a terrible time for Alexander to do that- he couldn’t focus on helping his friend, only that his friend was holding him like that. The sobs wracked Alex’s body and he nearly collapsed to the floor, but John’s strong arms held him upright.   
“It’s gonna be okay…” he whispered, holding him.  
“H-how do you know?” Hamilton asked, pulling back.  
“I just do. I promise.”  
“Okay.” Alexander let go of John completely, wiping the tears off his face. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”   
“No. You look tough as nails.” John said, stepping towards Alexander and wiping one last tear drop off his cheek.   
His thumb on Alexander’s cheekbone made them both freeze. It had started off as a kind gesture, but it turned to an awkward situation.   
“Sorry.” He took his hand off Alexander’s face. “Cmon, let’s go to lunch. We don’t have to sit with Eliza if you don’t want to.”   
“I just want to sit with you.” Alexander said, following John out of the bathroom stall and into the cafeteria. He saw his friend group laughing away at some story Mulligan had told, like they hadn’t even noticed John and Alexander were gone, like they hadn’t even noticed how much Alexander was hurting. They got in line for lunch and searched for a table after getting their food.   
John saw a table with only a few students at it, and sat down with Alex on the other side.   
“I can’t believe they didn’t even notice I wasn’t there- and that you weren’t there.” He said, sitting down across from John, who just shrugged.   
“Seems like they have more important things to worry about.” John muttered under his breath. Alex sighed. John truly was hurt that the group hadn’t acknowledged their absence, and he might have let it show a bit. Tears welled up in his eyes and he pushed them back. He took a deep, shaky breath, and let it out slowly. He put on a fake smile, for Alex’s sake, and continued to eat.  
They ate in silence for the rest of lunch, John watching Alexander’s movements. The way he had to blink back tears every five minutes or so was so heartbreaking, he wanted to take his hand and hold it. But that would be weird, friends don’t hold hands. Lovers do.   
And the last thing Hamilton needed to be reminded of right now was lovers. 

“What?” Peggy exclaimed, extremely confused. “So you’re telling me that you found Alexander crying in the bathroom, and comforted him, and none of us noticed?” John had told her what happened during lunch after school that day.  
“Yeah, you were all laughing about something Herc said, none of you realized we were gone, and how much Alexander was hurting.”  
“Shit!” Peggy got off John’s bed and started pacing the room.   
“Yeah, you guys fucked up. Alexander needed your support, and he didn’t get it. Especially you, Pegs. He likes you a lot, too.”   
“I know! I just- I hate myself. I’m so stupid.”   
“Hey.” John stood up as well, crossing the room to where Peggy was standing. “Don’t talk like that.” Peggy smiled a bit, then hugged John.   
“Thanks, Johnny.” Peggy said into his shoulder. John smiled and hugged her back.   
“But you guys need to apologize to Alex.” He said, pulling back from the hug a bit.   
“I know. And I still need to set you guys up.”   
“Peggy! You’re not setting me up with a heart broken boy. He needs time to heal, and then maybe we can think about it.” He pulled back completely, stepping back a step and crossing his arms. Peggy sighed.   
“Unfortunately, you’re right.” 

The next day at lunch, John sat with Alexander by themselves again.   
“They seem to want us to sit with them.” John said, nodding over to the table full of his friends. They were all pretty quiet that day, and every once in a while, one of them would glance over at the two.   
“Fuck them.” Alexander said, taking a tremendous bite out of his ham and cheese sandwich.   
“Alex. They seem to be really upset-” John stopped talking as he saw Lafayette and Hercules stand up and start walking to their table. They reached the table in just a few seconds.   
“Uh, hey guys.” Hercules said, giving them a little wave.  
“I don’t wanna hear it, Herc.” Alex said, not looking at him at all. Mulligan pursed his lips.   
“We just want to apologize for how we acted yesterday. Eliza didn’t tell us she broke up with you, we just assumed you were on a lunch date.” Lafayette explained. John’s eyes went wide, as with Alexander’s.   
“Excuse me?” Alex said, eyeing John suspiciously.   
“Well- we just- uhmm….” Lafayette trailed off.   
“Sit down.” Alexander ordered the two boys. They did, silently. “First of all, if you didn’t know Eliza and I were done, and you assumed we were on a date, you’re assuming I would fucking cheat on Eliza.” He kept his voice steady, though John could tell he was trying to not let it quiver.   
“No-” Mulligan was cut off.   
“Second of all, I’m not interested in John in any way, and I’m sure he’s not interested in me.” John felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.   
“Y-yeah. I don’t like him at all.” John couldn’t look anyone in the eye as he said that, because it was a lie.   
“Third of all, why would you even think that? That’s such a bold thing to assume-”  
“Alexander! We’re sorry! That’s all we came to say! Forgive us or don’t. Or wait before making a decision. But don’t bring Eliza, and John, and however you feel towards them, don’t bring that into this.” Hercules said, standing up. He walked away with Lafayette, who glanced back at them.   
“I have to go to the bathroom.” John said. He stood up and speed walked to the men’s bathroom, locking himself into the handicapped stall.   
The mental breakdown stall. He nicknamed it as he leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down so he was sitting on the floor. He held his head in his hands and silently let the tears flow. He had been harboring this crush for Alexander ever since they met, and to be told that he wasn’t interested in John. At all. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, burying his head in the crook between his legs and his chest.  
He sat down for he didn’t know how long- he heard the lunch bell ring, and a moment later, someone came into the bathroom. John figured it was just some boy, and he would take a piss and leave. But instead, they came up to John’s stall. And knocked on the door.   
“John?” The soft voice asked. Alexander’s. Shit.   
“Alex?” He stood up and unlocked the door, opening it.  
“Hey, what are you doing in here?” Alexander asked, genuinely concerned.   
“It’s nothing- I’m being stupid.” John said, pulling on his sweatshirt sleeve.   
“It’s obviously not nothing. Tell me what’s wrong.” He said, stepping closer to John, who stepped back. John had no idea how to tell Alex, so he just fled. He pushed past him and went to his locker, grabbing his books, and heading to his next class, American History.  
He saw Alexander exiting the bathroom, hurt and confused, and suddenly a wave of guilt came crashing down on him. He slipped in through the door to his class just as the bell rang. He sat down at his desk, pulling out a pencil and starting to doodle on the desk as the teacher began the class.   
His face was still marked with tears, so he did his best to use his sleeve to wipe them off. He was in this class with Lafayette and Peggy. He felt both their eyes on him.   
Occasionally, John would look back at Lafayette, and make eye contact with him, then , quickly look away. He silently and sneakily pulled his phone out of his pocket and held it under his desk, sending a quick text to Peggy.  
John: You don’t have to worry, everything went terrible  
Peggy felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and stealthily took it out, seeing John’s message.  
Peggy: That sucks, fill me in after class.  
John: No, I’m going home after class to cry. Don’t worry, I’ve skipped before, I can do it again.   
Peggy visibly frowned at the message.  
Peggy: Fine. Call me when school lets out  
John breathed a sigh of relief. He put his phone back in his pocket and tried to pay attention to the lesson. He did, truly. But his mind was on so many other things that right now, he really didn’t give a shit about the life of Christopher Jackson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay a longer chapter!
> 
> Comments keep me motivated to write for this story so make sure to leave one!
> 
> Oh also in case you're confused, I'm using the cast members instead of actual historians.  
> Ex: Christopher Jackson is George Washington, Daveed Diggs is Thomas Jefferson.


End file.
